01 Apr COUPLES AND MEDITATION
What does meditation have to do with relationships? Couples often argue, or at least strongly disagree. I mean, we aren’t clones of each other. We have different personality traits, habits and quirks. Remember Mars versus Venus? But, if arguing becomes a repetitive pattern, it can destroy what was a blissful, loving relationship.
Resentment leads to disconnect and that can become cyclical. How do we let go of anger? Our own unhappiness can create blocks.
Left unchecked stress may breed contempt. Left unattended the stress can cause emotional vulnerability and communication rifts.
The solution to all this angst begins with getting clear about our own thinking. We must make an true self-assessment. We need to become very self-aware. Using accurate language is key to describing what we are FEELING. Resisting complete honesty, about ourselves, is an obstacle to true intimacy in any personal relationship. Restorative conversations must be explored in order to engage in healing and renewal.
How do we begin to build better communication skills with our partner?
The first step is self-analysis, by asking ourselves what we are feeling and why. Where is the disappointment or anger coming from. Often it isn’t from outside, but from within. There can be internal triggers that cause an automatic mental and emotional response.
We all operate from the signals our brain is sending us (our deepest thoughts), and those signals are often embedded in our unconscious mind. These automatic thoughts or messages come from our past experiences. Often we don’t consciously remember them.
Of course there may be times when our anger isn’t coming from the past. It may be very needed and appropriate for what is happening right now. We may have a partner who is destructive, combative or abusive. Abuse is never acceptable. And, if we have a history of choosing self-defeating relationships, we need to dig into a personal review of our early life experiences in order to learn why. A professional holistic therapist can help uncover and heal long held self-limiting beliefs.
But if we can identify the underlying stress points for current disappointments, it’s possible to shift the tide of discontent. Finding stillness in the storm is important for clarity. It can keep us calm and from being reactive, in an otherwise healthy relationship.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” Marcus Aurelius
There will be disagreements and stresses in even the strongest intimate unions. How we navigate the churn the rough waters matters, and using constructive language to facilitate healthy dialogue helps. One of the best tools for openness is by focusing on phrase like “I” instead of “you”. It sounds simple, and it was challenging to me in early attempts. It’s hard to rewire our habitual go to or automatic behavioral patterning at first. But, it gets easier with practice.
We can change, we can improve our language, we can learn to have successful healthier conversations while instilling healthier boundaries too. And we can find our way to the happiness and joy we seek. One of the very best ways to see the path more clearly is through the stillness found in meditation.
Meditation allows an opportunity to safely become self-aware. It gives the brain a chance to self-examine, to rest, to restore balance, and to reintegrate what we really FEEL. To understand what’s happening behind our physical and mental reactions.
In the spirit of mindfulness,